What About ME?

This is a post from the peaceful wife. Her heart is godly marriages and she has earned the right to speak from her own experience. I recommend reading her blog. Today, push thru the pain of what she is saying to hearing the opportunity of increased intimacy with our God! Hear what He has to say. Oh, He loves you so!

The Peaceful Wife

So, a LOT of wives are working daily on trying to respect their husbands and not control them anymore, trying to follow Christ and do the whole marriage thing His way. That is AWESOME!

But MANY wives are getting stuck at the beginning of the journey – wondering, “What about ME?”  “What about what I want?”  “When do I get MY way?”  “Why do I have to be the only one forgiving, changing, respecting and cooperating?”  “What about HIM?”  “Why doesn’t HE have to change?” “What about MY needs?”

THE FIRST PHASE IS HARD!  IMPOSSIBLE, REALLY ON OUR OWN.

This is a LONG process of growth and learning.  It is not an instant flip on the light switch and you are suddenly a godly wife.  It’s a painful process.  The beginning is especially painful because that is when you begin to die to self.

Dying is PAINFUL.  Killing self…

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Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Does it? Does absence really make the heart grow fonder? I started thinking about it because there are quite a few blogs I follow. Really good, insightful thoughts out there and I like to ‘like’ the post when I read it and do. That was how I started this blog in the first place – I wanted to ‘like’ something I read. You cannot do that unless you are a blogger….

Back to the issue at hand; for days now I cannot like anything! Zip, Nada. Thus, this post is an experiment; I want to see if I can ‘like’ something after breathing life back into this thing! 😉  Now, apparently absence does not make WordPress any fonder of me – rather, it choses to ignore me (pending experiment, of course).

How do you react? Does your heart grow fonder thinking about the one whose missing? My hubby and I had a long distance courtship. I couldn’t stop thinking about him 🙂 We didn’t settle for absence; we were on the phone for hours and driving most every weekend to be together. Maybe that’s how it works — we worked at our relationship because we had to in order for there to be one (thus growing fonder because of our investment?). It was alot easier to fall in a rut and take each other for granted, I suppose, after we got married. I remember complaining that before we were married my hubby could finish my sentences, always knew what I was thinking, and could call me at the exact time I needed him. Why was that a complaint?? Because after we married he lost the ability to speak my language (and I, his I’m sure); he didn’t seem to know me at all! All these misunderstandings and unmet expectations. UGH! We had stopped thinking about the other and started focusing on ourselves.

Now, there’s a stink that will rile any stingbug!!  Instead, let’s do an experiment – wake up that blog! put your mate first!  grow those hearts fonder!!

Wounds?? what wounds?

“Many will charge that dragging up the past is fruitless and wastes time on things that are best forgotten…but emotional wounds are like physical ones: They do not heal if they are neglected; they only become infected and can become life damaging. The hurt must be brought into the light and treated.” ~Albert Haase

Ever wondered why you do the things you do, react the way you react, interpret the way you interpret? Our learned behaviors seem normal, we feel normal. Small hurts, we might go on and on about, looking for validation from others. BIG hurts, we hide them, afraid something is wrong with us or this wouldn’t have happened. What comes next? Insecurity, doubt, guilt, perhaps paranoia? I suspect these are among the bacteria of emotional wounds.  We can’t cover them – deeper, deeper we try to; but like it or not we become enslaved to the very thing we’re trying to get away from.

Whats lurking under your skin? Bring it to Jehovah Rapha, the God Who Heals – our Great Physician and get exposed to the Light. Infection gone. Healing begun.

Wise Sayings

Proverbs is known for wise sayings. Two of these feel particularly personal ~ I think you may guess why:

21:19 Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife .

25:24 Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.

I realized they might be personal the first time my husband read them and then proceeded to double over in laughter. Me? quarrelsome?

I am gifted in identifying what is wrong and knowing how to fix it…. Occasionally I might have to explain – repeatedly….

Truth is I struggled with controlling my man. I’ve been in situations where I didn’t have control and I got hurt – badly. I could not let that happen again. Control was my friend, control was security. Thing is I didn’t feel secure and this friend was causing me loads of problems. The harder I fought for it the more it evaded me.  I had not learned God had a plan; I had not learned that uncovering my pain would bring healing.

My husband, MY husband, could totally relate to living in a desert or on the roof rather than daily with me! This really was a surprise to me. I am totally serious, I didn’t know. My guess is there are lots of women who aren’t aware they are driving their own wedges in their relationships.  God has lots of instructions for His design in His word. Thing is they are not only wise sayings – they are hard sayings. Hard because His ways are not our ways & His thoughts are not our thoughts….they are far better! But to find that out you must exercise faith and chose to trust. Not in your spouse – he’s mistake prone just like you – but in your BIG God!

Do you dare show your husband these two wise sayings? Let the healing begin!

 

As you wish……

There is a love story about a commoner and a princess (that’s the way all the things go, isn’t it?) and his reply to all she asked of him was: “as you wish”.  Jerniah 26:14 says, “As for me, I am in Your hands; do with me whatever you think is good & right.” Does that hit you like it does me?!  Complete surrender of my life.  Good & right….that’s good, right? But what if my definition of good is different than His??  We actually can be sure of this because scripture also tells us His ways are not our ways & His thoughts are not our thoughts (Isaiah 55:8). It’s no trouble at all to say “As You wish” when pain, discomfort, or any other unpleasant thing isn’t involved.  Can I trust Him in the midst of risk?  Yes…if I know His Character.  No wonder He delights in the time I spend with Him, for it enables me to know Him – and if I know Him, I can trust Him!!

How goes it for you? Feel like saying ‘as you wish’?